Hurt Squirrels
New Digs
5/11/2002 2:34 AM
After 15 years on the Internet and six-plus years of creating web pages, I've finally set up my very own site. Now I can stop taking up space on the Pat McCurdy site with this drivel. Let the pigeons loose!

And I know that the first things everyone is going to ask is: What's the deal with name? Let me say, it wasn't my first choice. I had several other ideas, but others were quicker than I in registering those domain names. So it came down to this.

And you're still asking what's the deal? Did I string together meaningless words and go with it? Of course not. There's a story.

Every year, The Shepherd Express runs their annual "Best Of" thingie, where readers can cast their votes for Best Italian Restaurant (usually Olive Garden) and Best Bartender and stuff like that. There are tons of categories. Some of them are stuff like Best Local Character. One fateful year, they added Most Powerful Milwaukeean.

My one friend Jared decided he needed to win this. To make a long story short (too late), after much ballot box stuffing on our part, he won. Every year after the winners are announced, there's an awards ceremony at Shank Hall. Of course, we went.

Since I enjoy drinking, I eventually had to take a trip to the bathroom. Once I finished "my business" and was leaving, I noticed a piece of graffito on the wall near the door. It said, simply, "HURT SQUIRRELS."

What did it mean? Did ancient astronauts leave these symbols? Who wrote it and why?

I don't know.

When I returned to my seat, I asked the Most Powerful Milwaukeean if he had noticed it on his previous visit to the restroom. (He enjoys drinking also.) He immediately knew what I was talking about and was equally befuddled. That night, it became a brand new euphemism for going to the restroom. "Yep, gotta go hurt the squirrel."

And now it's a web site, too. To that unknown drunken vandal, thanks for the URL.

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