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Motherfucker, you’re like 25, you should know that you can deposit checks using your phone or an ATM. I can’t do th… https://t.co/aH8436Cz3Q
@marklippert

The War for Late Night: When Leno Went Early and Television Went Crazy
Bill Carter

She Brings The Rain (from Bottom - Ein grosser Graublauer)
Can

Spider-Man: Far from Home

NASA recently launched a space shuttle powered solely by the collective rage generated when the geek-American community heard that Keanu Reeves was starring in Constantine.
The Onion A.V. Club

I hate that damn piss-poor excuse of a holiday. Not because I don't have a romantic bone in my body. Not because the greeting card companies have latched on to this obscure little thing and promoted the hell out of it (though it's close). It's because it always falls on my birthday or the nearest weekend.

Does Mark get to go out to a nice restaurant¹ for his birthday? Only if he wants to wait three hours for a table. Bastards. All because some twisted old fruit from Ohio couldn't wait another two weeks to give candy to orphans.²

From now on, stay the hell home and just say no to Sweetest Day.

1. My definition of a nice restaurant is one where the staff doesn't force their cringe-inducing version of "Happy Birthday" on you; but that's another rant.
2. Yes, that's how this "holiday" got started.