Hurt Squirrels
That's It?!
5/31/2002 1:29 AM
I upgraded to digital cable last week. It wasn't easy, but I did it. And therein lies a tale.

It began on Tuesday with a knock at the door. It was a Time Warner contractor who informed me that the apartment building had recently been wired for digital and I could upgrade for $8.95 a month. Since I had been considering it for a while, it was an easy sale for this lad. He informed me that they could usually provide next day service and a guy could stop by tomorrow. Super.

Later that night, he called me and said the cable guy wouldn't be able to show up until Thursday and would that be a problem. Not a problem, really. I told him it was cool.

Thursday rolls around and the scheduled time of installation comes and goes. Hmmm. I hop on the phone and after a surprisingly small amount of waiting and hassle, I manage to talk to a real human being. She tells me that I'm actually scheduled for the next day, Friday. Okay. I'm somewhat miffed, but there's little I can do.

On Friday, I get this incredible sense of deja vu. When the cable guy again fails to appear, I get on the phone, only to get a busy signal. That's rarely a good sign, especially when it continues for an hour and a half. Finally, I get a hold of an answering service, who takes my name and number and promises a return phone call from a customer service rep.

A couple more hours pass and I hear nothing from them, so I jump on the phone again. After being on hold for a half hour, I was literally seconds away from hanging up when I get a human. This guy tells me I'm scheduled for Saturday.

"Really," I ask. "You're certain?"

He assures me he is quite certain. I let him know that if no one shows up tomorrow, I'll be canceling the order.

Now it's Saturday, a couple hours into the scheduled time, and I'm starting to get antsy. No digital cable for me, I'm thinking. Wait a it...? It is! You're several days late, my good man.

The guy comes in, hooks up a new cable box, gives me a very quick demo of the remote, has me sign a paper and is gone. Total time: ten minutes. Work done: old box detached, new box attached. No new wiring or other such stuff.

That's IT?!?!

I waited three days for that? Shit, I could have done that. I live only two miles from the Time Warner office, making it a short trip to pick up the box. I understand the basics of screwing and unscrewing coaxial cable. Righty tighty, lefty loosey. I could've figured out the remote myself. For the amount of time I waited, I wanted an hour of rewiring with strange tools and the hooking up of exotic meters. Damn.

At least I have the Game Show Network now. Charles Nelson Reilly, here I come.

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